when teacher's not happy, ain't nobody happy

Bad days. Everyone has them: kids, adults, students and teachers. It’s as if the grayness of winter has seeped into our classrooms. The children march in with scowls on their faces, declaring that they are very angry with the system that is school. They’d much rather go to ES resort and eat mangoes and play in the pool all day. They hate you because you mean work—what’s a teacher to do?

My entire week has been strung with bad days. Everyone at our schools is on edge. Miscommunication abounds even at the best of times. These week it’s been compounded by the winter grumpies. I’ve been yelled at by our Korean coteachers several times for various minor details, which stresses me out during the day. When I’m stressed, I tend to get more aggravated with the kids… Clearly it’s not a healthy situation.

I almost snapped today. The kids were terrible: speaking Korean despite my constant warnings and disciplinary action (taking stickers), telling me they didn’t like me/hated me, punching and kicking each other. It takes a lot to make me angry, I consider myself a generally calm person. Today though, they pushed me to the edge. As soon as I realized I was no longer in control of my temper, my face flushed and my hands shaking, I yelled at them to leave. They promptly got from their seats and walked out the door, leaving me to simmer down to angry iPod songs. I know they’re just children, but sometimes their words dig deeper than they might intend them too. Hearing “I hate you” thirty times in one class doesn’t do too much for my overall attitude.

Although they week has been slightly stressful, I did get two surprises. My dear friend Shana sent me a care package for my birthday/Valentine’s day. She included a whole bag of Sweethearts… the candy I get myself sick on every February! A letter from another friend came to cheer me up as well, so not all is at a loss. The cook at school also gave us some of her delicious food—chicken and a snack of rice noodles. Her food is always delicious, so it helped cheer me up as well.

David and I are going on a retreat this weekend for married couples with our church Jubilee. I was a bit reluctant at first, since it swallows our whole weekend, but I think it might end up okay. I’ll get back to you on how it is.

The time I don’t spend at school is dedicated to writing and editing my novels. The more time I spend at school teaching, the more I realize that writing is what I want to do for the rest of my life. David is the same way, except professional photography is his dream job. There are those touching moments and I love my kids… yet, I’ve decided that in the end, teaching really isn’t for me.